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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I hit up the local market on Ulica 1. maja. I’m thinking, “Maybe I can grab a snack, dry off a bit.” But nooo, the market’s packed! Everyone’s trying to get their groceries before the storm hits. I’m elbowing my way through, sheep in tow, and I swear, I almost knocked over a stand of fresh veggies. The vendor’s like, “Hey! Watch it!” I’m like, “Sorry, man, just trying to save my flock!”

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